“Family Lessons” Response Question

1. Are you able to picture the characters in your head?  What other character-related details

would enable you to “see” the writer’s characters?

     There is not much character description, so I am not able to picture the characters in my head. I think the writer should include more detail, especially about her cousin, Clayton. It would be helpful to know what he looked like so that we can envision him riding the bull.

2. What other characters would you like to see in the story?  Are there any characters that you

would take out of the story?  Why/why not?

     The writer mentions her uncle briefly, so I think he should have been a bigger part of the story, or should have been taken out. Also, I think it would have helped the story if we knew more about the writers relationship with her cousin, so maybe those characters could have been developed more.

3. Is the plot/action entertaining?  What could the writer do to “spice” up the action? 

     The story as a whole is interesting, but I think it could have been a little more exciting. If the writer used more description and sensory words, the reader would have a better sense of the characters and the surroundings. I think to spice up the action the writer could have described the bull a little better, making him sound big and scary.

4. Can you picture where the story/action takes place?  Why or why not?  What else could the

writer do to establish the setting of the story?  Are there any crucial scenes that are

underdeveloped or completely omitted?

     The writer mentions that her cousin would be going to Arizona, and she mentions that it is the month of June, but other than that, no other descriptions about the setting are mentioned. We know that she has a horse so we can assume that she lives on a farm or open land, but other than that the reader is left to guess. I think it would help if the writer described more about where she lives, smells, sights, sounds. I think the scene that was underdeveloped was when her cousin was attacked by the bull. Although she was not there, she could have used the details that her cousin told her.

5 Does the dialogue in the story seem realistic?  What could the writer do to improve the

dialogue?  Where would you like to see less/more dialogue? 

     The dialogue does seem realistic, but it is very brief. I think the writer could have included more dialogue between her and Clayton, especially when they were talking about why he wanted to go ride bulls. The dialogue between them about the kidney transplant was brief, and I think she could have included a little more of the conversation to add some emotion to the story.

6. What can the writer do to revise this essay and make it better?

     To make the essay better, I think the writer should add more sensory detail, more character description, and some more dialogue to add some emotion. I think overall the story is interesting, but it could be a little more engaging.