Writer’s Name & Title of Essay: Chelsea Adams- Think Before You Speak
Reader’s Name: Briana Salter
1.
1. Is the introductory paragraph interesting? Why or why not? Does the introduction specify clearly what is to be classified and/or divided into groups?
The introduction is interesting, especially the first sentence. I think it is clear what the essay is going to be about, but there is not classification, she mentions a couple of different ideas in the introduction.
2.
2.Is there a clear thesis statement? Can you find a sentence (or two) that reveals the writer’s point or purpose for the classification and/or division? Type the sentence(s) below that you believe to be the writer’s thesis statement. If the thesis is implied, state it in your own words below.
I don’t think there is a sentence that is a clear thesis statement, but the “you are what you say” part gives a good idea about what the essay is about.
3.
3.Is the writer’s basis of classification clear (see “Notes on Classification and Division” posted June 2nd)? Why or why not? By what means is the writer grouping his or her subject matter?
Although I can see how the writer tried to divide and classify the different types of speech, she did tend to mention two different ideas within the same paragraph. I think the writer should have talked about slang in one paragraph and improving language in another. That would have helped to bring classification and division to the essay.
4.
4. Are the groups or categories clearly defined and uniquely named? Do any seem to overlap or appear oversimplified or based on stereotypes? Explain.
The categories do seem to overlap, and they are simplified. I think the writer could have given more examples for each idea.
5.
5.Would the essay improve if the paragraphs were arranged differently? Why/why not? Note any paragraph that seems out of order. Are the paragraphs connected to one another smoothly and logically? Are there transitions between paragraphs that help you understand how the writer’s ideas are connected? Explain.
The essay would improve if the writer arranged the paragraphs by ideas, focusing on one idea per paragraph. The transitions between the paragraphs are not very good because each paragraph is so different from the other, it does not flow well.
6.
6.Do individual paragraphs seem well detailed? What suggestions would you make about adding/subtracting specific examples to help illustrate the writer’s classification and/or division?
The beginning of the fifth paragraph is off topic and is out of place. I think the essay would benefit if it was deleted. The writer does provide some details and stories as to why she wants to improve her vocabulary or why she has used slang, but I think she could add more.
7.
7.Are all of the writer’s paragraphs unified and coherent? Indicate which paragraphs have any sentences that seem irrelevant (“unity” concerns) or out of order (“coherence” concerns).
The fifth paragraph is the one that is the most out of place. The essay would be more coherent if there were more order. I think the essay would flow better if she started off talking about why she used slang, then went into how her language has developed and how she went about improving it.
8.
8. Go back and read the first and last paragraph. Has the writer fulfilled the obligations he or she established in the introduction? Does the writer accomplish everything promised in the introduction, or does the essay go off track or seem to switch focus? Why or why not? How can the conclusion be improved?
The introduction and conclusion do tie in together, although the focus in the conclusion slightly goes off track by mentioning that she is constantly teaching herself new words. I think if the writer focused more on how a person’s vocabulary gives certain impressions and not how she learns new words the conclusion would be better.
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9.Now look at sentences. Does the writer have sentences that strike you as effective because they include strong verbs, specific details, memorable phrases, or striking images? Does the writer have any words they repeat too often, use incorrectly, or misspells? Finally, does the writer have any tendencies for error they should be made aware of? (Think comma splices, run-on sentences, or switches in verb tense, etc.)
The sentence that stands out most is the first sentence of the essay. There are not any apparent errors.
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10.Write a summary comment that explains what you like best about the paper. Then, describe the two features of the paper that most need improvement. What suggestion(s) for overcoming these problems do you have?
What I like about the essay is how she focuses on the fact that a person’s vocabulary does give certain impressions. I think that if the writer organized the essay better and gave more examples, the essay would improve.
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